It has come to our attention that a flurry of emails from fake email addresses using the easthampton.com domain have been going around for several days in June 2005.

We do not have email addresses such as “register”, “administrator”, “billing”, etc.

The subject of these emails is something relating to your password or about your account being suspended and is accompanied usually by a zip file which is a virus.

If you get such an email – delete it immediately.

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PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!

There have been an alarming number of fatal accidents this summer in East Hampton, almost all involving careless and reckless driving mostly by visitors. The last one happened last night night near the Hess station in Wainscott. I don’t yet know the details but I couldn’t get out to Montauk Highway because it was blocked for hours due to the accident.

I have personally observed people driving recklessly with one hand on the wheel and another with a phone stuck in their ear; making unexpected turns, not signaling, running STOP signs and red lights all while yakking on the phone.

It is bad enough that we have to worry about drunk drivers – we now have to worry about your personal issues that you must resolve while driving?

East Hampton is an oasis of tranquility – it’s a place to relax and savor the extraordinary beauty of our landscape – our flora and fauna – it is not the Indy 500. And speaking of fauna, our animals run free – as they should in the country. Every year, summer visitors run over our cats and dogs – it is disgraceful!

So take a moment to remember why you came here – to relax, enjoy the scenery, go out and have a good time. And add this one other goal – to make it back home in one piece!

Have a fun, enjoyable and safe summer!

And another thing: summer is the season when we are unfortunately treated to a variety of wardrobe transgressions that offend our aesthetic sensibilities such as unwanted and unsightly baring of skin.

Ladies, in case you’re not aware of certain laws of physics, when you wear tight apparel, the act of sitting down tends to relax the body and forces the constrained body parts to try and escape their confinement. Thus, short t-shirts over low rise jeans, tend to travel up and down respectively thus baring the portion of the body previously concealed by each.

For example, last Saturday night at Saracen restaurant, I had the misfortune of sitting behind a young lady whose torso tried desperately to free itself from its sartorial prison. Thus I was rewarded with a view of the lady’s crack in the derriere.

It took 3 glasses of Chianti to blur my vision so I can get through my salad and filet of sole. It was quite disconcerting, not to mention kind of disgusting.

So keep in mind, if you’re intent on airing your navel, please consider wearing a long shirt so you don’t expose your belly rolls and derriere anatomy to the rest of the world.

In the summer, business in East Hampton is like shooting fish in a barrel. Merchants can do business with their eyes closed – and some do. Just read the Letters to the Editor in The East Hampton Star . Certain Gallic restaurant owners (in Bridgehampton) obviously consider us local yokel American slobs beneath their contempt and can therefore insult us with the most preposterous pronouncements. Like the comment I overheard a few years ago in a french boutique on the Left Bank: a woman walked in and looking at a rack of skirts asked the sales girl if she has any in size 8 (40 in France) to which the sales girl responded “I’m sorry Madame, we don’t carry large sizes”.

Anyway, here is my story: I made an appointment for a cut and blow dry at a local salon – M Salon on Park Place for 2 PM on Thursday.

About 2 hours before my appointment, I get a phone call from the salon asking me whether I can shampoo my hair at home because they’re having a problem with the sinks in the salon – they have no water and don’t know when it’s going to be fixed.

Of course, I said yes, and even chuckled at the quaint problem – sending a few emails to friends informing them of this cute country thingie.

What I didn’t find too cute is this: after I got over the sticker shock of $100, I jokingly asked if this included the shampoo. The manager gave me a dirty look and said that this is the price for a hair cut implying that it is regardless of whether they shampooed my hair or I did.

Well, you know the philosophy of life: people do things for one or a combination of 3 reasons:

1) advantage - it is something that will benefit them
2) fear - if they don’t do it, there will be some undesirable consequence
3) it’s the right thing to do!

In business #3 is called Customer Service!

Every few weeks, there is a flury of viruses sent out from NON-EXISTANT easthampton.com email addresses.

Here is the last one I received today:

Dear Easthampton Member,

Your e-mail account was used to send a huge amount of unsolicited spam messages during the recent week. If you could please take 5-10 minutes out of your online experience and confirm the attached document so you will not run into any future problems with the online service.

If you choose to ignore our request, you leave us no choice but to cancel your membership.

Virtually yours,
The Easthampton Support Team

Don’t be fooled by this kind of email – it comes with a virus attachment. The email originates from a server in Korea.

Here is a little insight in how this website works.

Since we launched, in 1995, the most popular sections – bar none – have been those dealing with transportation to East Hampton and Hotels. About 90% of the traffic goes there.

So it is little wonder that the Most Popular links in the DIRECTORY are hotels. That’s what people click – hotel listings.

And so it was until last week.

In fact, here is a screen capture of what this list looked like on March 11, 2006 before I deleted it.

These clicks were registered between February 11, 2006 and March 11, 2006. Not exactly the height of the season, so getting over 200 visitors to your website in the dead of winter is not too shabby.

But, you ask, why is the East Hampton Arts Council #1 on the list with only 44 clicks when all the other listings have more than 3 to 4 times as many clicks?

Aha! That is precisely the clue!

They did something that cost them ZERO $$$$ – just 2 seconds of typing!

Want to know what that is?

Send me an email.

Watch the current list as it develops – and don’t delude yourself that the popular links list is suddenly an indication of a new trend – cultural or civic – Ha ha ha! Nothing of the sort. People are still looking for a bed first! You just don’t see it anymore because some listings figured out how to promote themselves.

Drove to New York City around 11 PM tonight (after The Sopranos) and could not believe the wild life on the side of the road. We counted 32 Bambis from Route 27, through Route 11, up to Exit 67 on the LIE.

This is a new record – the last count was 30 and only on Route 27. This time there were deer on Route 11 and even on the highway – and DANGEROUSLY close to the road – some were right on the shoulder though I can’t imagine what they could graze on asphalt.

So PLEASE be careful driving at night! They seem to have become rather bold.

Had dinner at The Laundry last night – this is still the best in East Hampton. And what a zoo – had to park on a spit of sand – the parking lot was jammed.

I had a sudden “spare rib attack” and just had to have my rib fix. With French Fries and sauteed spinach, s’il vous plait, and a glass of Merlot.  Yum. 

The thing I didn’t count on was the entertainment – the couple on the other side of our windowed wall was engaged in an activity that looked suspiciously like sex. I woulnd’t know any more because I haven’t done it in a restaurant in a long time. But from the looks of everyone’s raised eyebrows and ear to ear grins in the room, I would say, yup, must have been sex.  And this couple was also a bit long in the tooth – if you know what I mean. So, Bravo!

 A good time was had by all.

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I’m eating my way through East Hampton these days.

Another favorite restaurant is Fresno -  near the railroad tracks. Went there last night with my friend Ava. Really nice – and charming outdoor patio dining.

Finally, another lively place that I love is the Blue Parrot in that little alley off the main parking lot. The margaritas are quite lethal – but then anything with alcohol is lethal to me -  I’m a cheap date.

But the Blue Parrot really is a great place to hang out – good cheap food – great staff and service – and most definitely a zoo on weekends with revelers spilling into the alleys. It’s the first place I go to when I get off the Jitney coming from the city – great for a little attitude adjustment.

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